The Lion and the Lamb

I have a longtime friend. I miss him right now. He is sweet and kind, gentle and funny. Oh sure, he has a witty side and can appreciate a bit of sarcasm and cynicism, but even in his sharpest sting, I feel his love and kindness. I miss him so much. I often think of him as one of the best Christians I know, although he is actually not a practicing Christian. Funny huh? But for me he displays the fruits of the spirit daily. I know he wrestles with darkness and pain, as we all do, but he does not bring his burdens to the world around him. Sometimes he is like one of those large puzzles – you are given a small puzzle piece of his inner being and he is sharing his pain, his struggle. But most times he is walking in joy. He shares his joy, and gives light to your struggles. He is a giver, not a taker; he is grateful when he’s given. He seeks to understand, not be understood; he seeks peace not conflict.

There were times in the past of this long and dear friendship where I have felt frustrated. I wanted more. I wanted to go deeper, dig to the bottom of the well of life and all its complexities. Till the soil of the nitty-gritty, get my hands full of mud and grit to then plant new seeds of understanding. But he would keep things simple and light, unwilling to join me in my digging. I used to think this was cowardice. Alas, time keeps passing and the years go by. The changing seasons have brought grey hairs, lined faces and saggy skin, and hopefully, just hopefully a little bit of wisdom too. I no longer see this unwillingness as cowardice. My eyes have grown weary and my sight has diminished.

At times when I have lost my humor, I feel frustrated that I need my glasses to read the directions on a pizza box. Grrr, argh... What petty annoyances. However, when I step into my older, wiser self, I find humor in the little incontinences (OK, that was actually a typo, but it is so funny I think I will keep it!). Yes, that too, childbearing is brutal. I mean, inconveniences, and now see my dear old friend as bravery and courage, but of a different kind. It takes a brave soldier, carrying their pack of personal trauma on their backs, to leave that for later, to trust that it will eventually be resolved at a later date. For now, the priority is to selflessly be there for the other. Trust in the unknown of a date or time, trust that all will be well. Now is the time to focus on the urgency to serve.

I know for a fact this friend received arrows in his life, not only from the outside world, but by his own nearest and dearest family and friends. He is exemplary of the courage of the lamb; he may be slaughtered, but he will not die. He is alive and well and doing his perfect work in the world.

Admittedly most of my other dear friends are lions. I love my lion friends because they too are brave and courageous as lions are; however, it is of another sort. They are also warm and nurturing. They may be lions, but they are also mamma bears. They have big hearts and are kings of the jungle. They are proud by nature, but this pride propels them into the world to fight for others. They will protect what they deem as right and true and rip to shreds the poor prey that walks in their path. Their hunger is righteousness, and they will pull out all the stops to achieve their lofty and noble goals. They too are soldiers, but of a different kind. They are the great protectors of mankind. I am still learning about my lion friends, and it has taken time to understand them also and their unique role and pride.

I was in a yoga class years ago, and the subject of ego came up from the teacher. She said the ego is a good thing. I had a moment of pause. Hmmm....I thought that the ego was a bad thing, that we were to aim to eradicate our ego for higher principles? Aren't we supposed to be egoless, enlightened beings? I am confused. She went on to explain that the ego propels us to do things, to accomplish things, and that is not a bad thing; it is there for a very real and good purpose. It is in the things that we do, propelled by our egos, that we learn and grow and ultimately walk through this life gaining the perspectives and wisdom that each of is here to gain. I think it has taken time to sink in, but I can today say: I get it.

As I look back and reflect on my life, I can see this to be so true. I thought at the time I was just doing this or that, perhaps following a desire, or a heart-led action of what I felt I wanted or "needed" to do at that time. Now I can see the bigger picture, I can see the greater purposes in the paths I walked and how they led me to the pearls of wisdom that I now possess. Hindsight is indeed twenty-twenty.

A powerful healer friend of mine told me that when we use phrases like "I need" that might be a clue that it is our ego speaking. So listen extra closely, our ego can and does indeed propel us to the things we are called to be and do. I would also say take heed to not bow down solely to our egos, for they can indeed lead us astray. There is a reason the ego gets a bad rap. It is a tightrope and a balancing act, or as our Lord says:

“Enter by the narrow gate. For the gate is wide and the way is easy that leads to destruction, and those who enter by it are many. For the gate is narrow and the way is hard that leads to life, and those who find it are few.”

Sometimes clarity comes in an instant, and sometimes it takes years and years. Sometimes it is there for an instant and then gone. Sometimes when we let go completely and trust, it stays and seems effortless. I have an aria that I have been working on by Mozart for almost twenty years, yeah no lie. It's been said that Mozart did not like women. Anyone who knows his music knows his cunning sense of humor. It is said that when he had a particularly proud diva, he would purposely write near impossible, yet exquisitely beautiful pieces for them to sing. In my own experience with this particular aria, this has been my experience. I have turned this piece into more of a vocal exercise, but every now and again I pull it out and am on occasion asked to sing it. It brings up all my fears and worst vocal enemies, but I also love it deeply. I have nailed this piece maybe a couple of times when all the stars aligned. It demands extreme focus, steadiness of breath, depth of emotion, without going over the top – and for me, a great, great deal of trust and letting go. I try not to get discouraged. Even a world renowned musician who works with the very top singers in the world has said that he has heard it crash and burn at the Bastille (one of the best opera houses in the world). He then adds the added pressure of saying that I have the right voice and tools to do it perfectly. It is a hit or miss aria, a tightrope to be sure. Mozart may have been many things, but no one can argue his musical genius. Within his genius I continue to find more pearls of wisdom.

The lion and the lamb, two very different approaches, both valuable and wise. I think I have grown in understanding about the meaning of the lion and the lamb and their lying down in peace someday. This is in part by my dear friends and for them I am ever grateful.