So it took awhile....
Sometimes that's the way it is. It took awhile to find something that Pierson could latch onto and call his own. I tried many things — gymnastics, Taekwondo, art lessons, choir, swimming. I knew Pierson had a boundless energy that craved a channel. I also knew my sanity was dependent upon finding that thing. Turns out that thing is climbing. He has since gone back to Taekwondo and recently is really into his art work, and all that is super cool. It took a while to understand why there were certain areas that seemed so hard. I used to dread sitting down for daily reading, and homework. The struggle was real, the frustration was shared, and the fights were often. I always felt that P was ADD or ADHD, but it was not until a trip to his doctor's office where this came up that I really began to try to understand. I remember talking to a fellow actor who specialized in this area and telling him how Pierson would sometimes stand up during dinner, maybe ten times and not even realize he was standing. I told him about our struggles with reading, how he was always jumping ahead a word or more and losing his place. Or his rather endearing way of running up to me with a brilliant idea only to tell me he forgot what he was going to say. He told me P sounded like a classic case. I wondered why none of his teachers brought this up, and when I asked his doctor about this point, he said it was probably because he was intelligent enough to realize he was different, so he expends an enormous amount of energy trying to compensate, hence his high stress levels, and tantrum releases that would challenge even the most toddler of toddlers.
As I read books and articles so much made sense. P was not just being disrespectful and not listening, he literally was unable. There was a reason for five years we have told him to not chew with his mouth open, and it was ok. I began to process things in a new way. Instead of feeling that I was failing as a parent and feeling helpless, I felt empowered. His brain literally works differently, and the more I understand those differences the more I am able to love him more fully. Yet another thing I learn from P. P also brought me to The Dawn Wall, a movie about climbing. To be honest I was not thrilled about the idea of watching a movie about climbing, but like much of life, since I love P, and he loves climbing it becomes important. In these small moves outside of ourselves somehow we end up with gifts so much greater than we can possibly imagine. My brother recommended the movie. So I sat down to the film with minimal to low expectations. Boy was I blown away. Not only from a purely entertainment perspective was it thrilling, but for me it was literally a spiritual gift. A little kiss from heaven imparted through the blessed relation with my P.
Tommy Caldwell is the climber in this documentary that the film is formed around. It is his story, his life, his journey, which ends with what most would consider miraculous — his ascent of The Dawn Wall. Tommy Caldwell for me is a living embodiment of such biblical ideas of "the last becoming first" (Matt. 20:16), or of "the meek inheriting the earth” (Matt. 5:5). This was a child who was so developmentally delayed, that he was literally deemed retarded and did not even crawl until two years of age. His dad, perhaps a bit "old school", saw his weak young child and in his deepest love and devotion "allowed him to suffer". In today's world of coddling and child-led ways, this may be frowned upon, but it seems in it there is something good and right.
The Buddists begin by saying "life is suffering", and psychologist Jordan Peterson often talks about the importance of making our children capable and independent. It seems there is a delicate balance here. The damage of overprotection is real and can create life long dysfunction. On the other hand we of course do not want to be unnecessarily cruel, hardened, or cause unnecessary pain. I often wonder about the new child led dogma — spanking is out, time outs are in. It seems a little physical pain on the bottom passes very quickly and teaches a fast physical boundary, while separating someone emotionally, sending the message that because of bad behavior they are not worthy of human connection or love is in some ways much harsher. It seems to me psychological wounds take much longer to heal and sometimes even feel near impossible to heal. All that to say — Tommy Caldwell's father pushed him at a young age with physical challenges. They would go hiking, climbing and camping. His father spent time with him, gave his energy, and helped form his physical body and his spirit to survive in the world.
At a young age Tommy began winning competitions and eventually accomplishing feat after feat. To add to the tale, as an adult Tommy actually becomes physically handicapped and is told he is done for. Even after that Tommy refuses the lies of the world. He knows a truth that exists that is larger than that. A faith that says "all things are possible" (Matt. 19:26). Eventually he has accomplished just about all he can (surpassing all expectation) and decides to climb The Dawn Wall. Everyone again tells him it is impossible. He gets a partner, and for 6 years they endeavor on this project against all odds. Eventually the moment of truth comes, Tommy is succeeding in the impossible and his partner is stumbling. His partner agrees to just give up and guide Tommy to the top. Tommy reaches a point in the wall which is symbolic of the hardest parts conquered and the road to the top open. Tommy sits on this plateau, not in joy, but rather in sorrow, for if he can not bring his fellow man up with him all the glory is worthless. He goes back down, committed to bringing his partner with him at all costs.
I love this story and this movie for all that Tommy Caldwell shows us in his being. He knew with every ounce and fiber that the transcendent was possible, was there just beyond an immediate grasp. It's as if he could taste it, smell it, and knew that his faith and persistence would get him there. He literally conquers physical reality and at the same time his deep and enduring humanity does not diminish with this, but rather embraces the deepest love and value for the other. Thank you Tommy Caldwell and Thank you P, for being you, for bringing me gifts unimaginable.
