Tuesday, April 19, 2016

Wisdom from the Mouth of Babes

So the idea of our children being our teachers is very popular these days.

O LORD, our Lord, how majestic is your name in all the earth! You have set your glory above the heavens. Out of the mouth of babies and infants, you have established strength because of your foes, to still the enemy and the avenger. (Psalm 8: 1-2)

Jesus quotes this in Matthew's gospel:

And the blind and the lame came to him in the temple, and he healed them. But when the chief priests and the scribes saw the wonderful things that he did, and the children crying out in the temple, “Hosanna to the Son of David!” they were indignant, and they said to him, “Do you hear what these are saying?” And Jesus said to them, “Yes; have you never read, “‘Out of the mouth of infants and nursing babies you have prepared praise’?” (Matt. 21: 14-16)

I don't disagree completely, but I do think there is a balance to be found. I am glad that we are in an age where children are honored as little beings and are respected enough to have their voices heard. When P responds confidently out loud, or asks a bold question amidst an adult conversation, my heart smiles. I was taught children were to be seen and not heard. I had a fear to express myself freely amidst elders, and even to this day sometimes it takes an act of courage to just be free to be me. That being said, for me it is equally obvious that children need, desire and thrive with clear boundaries and strong examples. They are not all enlightened little Buddhas to be worshiped at every turn. They test and try the patience of those who love them most, and basic virtues like sharing, speaking kindly, waiting your turn, etcetera, need to be taught and practiced again and again. Hopefully we do our best to model good behavior and are not too proud to admit when we have failed to do so. We can then have the gift to model humility.

I really love the authentic originality of pet names that children end up with from their mommies and families. P has gone from bump, to bumpy, P pod, bug and lately "just P". When Soren was only a few months old, P wanted to give him a nickname. Soren had particularly sharp little nails and seemed to like to scratch things to feel them, kind of like nails on a chalkboard for his mommy and daddy! P came up with the nickname Rosefingers. I loved it, so sweet. A few months later when Soren had usurped P's sippy cup with his usual grape juice / water mix, P came around the corner asking where his cup had gone. I told him Soren had it. He replied so candidly and honestly in a low gravelly voice: "Scratchy little hands". I laughed so hard. It was true of course, but in that moment Rosefingers had become a disgruntled scratchy little hands. Isn't it funny how easily our hearts can turn when our will is crossed? Something originally born out of love and affection turns into the worst of criticisms. Why are our hearts so fickle? Needless to say "Scratchy little hands" has stuck and Calvin and I use it regularly with great love towards our little monster (more recently coined with me and P, monster nuggles). Monster because he is into everything, and nuggles from P, for his unique term for Eskimo kisses, which I often give to him, and now he gives to his little brother.

I had another interesting learning moment from P the other morning on our way to church. We were talking en français about his talent show. He used the word practicer instead of répéter. We proceeded to get into a back-and-forth, P absolutely insisting it was a word and me telling him it was not, then giving him a high and mighty lecture about how I care about him and that is why I am insistent – ‘that there may be those that will let mistakes go and continue, and that you will think you are so great when you are not, and that those who really invest the time and energy to try to teach you what is right are those that care and want your best. In fact, instead of arguing back, you should be thankful.’ Calvin told me to drop it, which I did. P got the last word in insisting that practicer was indeed a real word. We went into church and per our usual routine I set him up with some breakfast food in the Parrish hall and sat for a moment with him before needing to head into the choir room to robe. Suddenly it dawned on me clear as light. He is thinking of pratiquer, and it would seem similar in meaning to répéter! In that moment I was so grateful for his insistence, not shutting down like I would have. He stood up for something he knew, and maybe it took ten repetitions to click. Maybe he was being a little stubborn, but so was I. I apologized and he became his sweetest self. We both laughed about what he was trying to say and me not getting it. We hugged and he said “you are the best mommy ever”. It was one of those learning/teaching moments from my P and I felt grateful.

Lastly I think about little monster nugggles. This morning I was trying to get some emails done. Soren was in his high chair complaining, and I took his little musical toy and put it in front of him. He was distracted and forgot for a moment. Of course, this is a trick all moms use. When he grasps on to something he should not and screams bloody murder when you remove it, you quickly replace it with something else. The law of distraction. This morning however it hit me. As adults, we have an issue or a problem and we focus on it. We go over and over it in our minds, replaying the tapes. Then we call our moms, girlfriends, husbands and go over it again. Spiritually we are called to focus not on things of this world but things above.

If then you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth. For you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God. Colossians 3: 1-3

We are actually told: stop focusing over and over on this or that. The more energy we put on it, the stronger it will become. Cognitive therapy and the placebo effect remind us that our thoughts indeed do form our reality.


So thank you monster nuggles; and Master P for reminding me about the laws of distractions, the power of persistence in your truth, not being afraid to be, but most of all thank you for being my sweet loves and blessing me in this walk of life. I am so honored to be your mommy and pray daily that I can teach you wisdom and joy, and remain childlike and open enough to continue listening and learning from you.

Monday, April 11, 2016

Relationships Are Complicated

As I prepared to write this blog post, ideas swirled around in my mind. I knew the general direction and ideas I wanted to talk about, yet kept finding myself a bit confused, dreamy, uncertain. Usually the ideas swirl. I talk and think them through in my mind, and after a bit of time they coalesce into a linear fashion, and I am ready to sit and write. But this was different. Every time I felt close, something else would drift in, shift and again feel a bit unsteady, just not quite clear or linear. Then I had an epiphany. The crux of this blog post is about relationships, and as the saying goes, ‘relationships are complicated’.

In relationships there is inevitably the other, and the other always remains a bit unknown. There it is: the unknown, and the unknown can be scary, and unclear. Venturing willingly into the unknown requires an act of faith. I admit it, I tend to want to be an island. I am not sure exactly where it comes from, but I see me as usual in my P. He views help as an insult telling him he is not quite good enough, strong enough, able enough. He clenches his little jaw, grumbles an irritated groan and presses on, rejecting love coming his way. We can have a rational conversation about it, and he understands in his mind that the one who wants to help is trying to do good, not harm. But his little, persistent self wants the satisfaction of doing it himself, the satisfaction of a merit accomplished only through himself. Of course upon close examination that is really an illusion, as every circumstance has a myriad of factors that lead up to it and through it, and inevitably the other is somehow on some level part of the whole. But that is beside the point for now.

We all have relationships both to people and things and are in constant relationship to the world around us. We breathe the air, drink the water, and eat from the fruits of Mother Earth. Some relationships seem so simple and easy. They naturally flow gracefully, no need to explain or elucidate. Sometimes just a glance and all is understood. Then there are the others that seem so difficult. You don't even really understand why. It seems even the simplest of suggestions or acts gets confused, muddled. You press through the sludge, explanation after explanation, often ending up farther apart and more confused than where you started. It is a mystery.

God calls us to be in relationship with Himself through his Son. God Himself is in a perpetual relationship, the Trinity. We have God the Father. For me this is the aspect that is so grand, so great it is almost incomprehensible. We glimpse a sense through the great works of art he has created in his creation. We admire the glorious handiwork of a sunset on the ocean, the sheer greatness of the mountains, or a starlit summer sky, and his wonder and majesty are truly revealed. But fostering a relationship here seems a little abstract. The Holy Spirit is for me a mysterious God essence, kind of like the raw material of God, before the word and manifestation, like an essential oil that kindles and awakens our senses subtlety to a truth about to be revealed. Then you have the Son. The Son who is of one being with the Father, who the Father sent out of love so that we CAN know him.

God is love, and an island is not love; an island is fear. Sure we may sense a lighter step when we are on our own only worrying about our own selves, but at some point this system inevitably breaks down and we see the illusion for what it is. We cannot bear the weights of the world on our own shoulders, try as we might. We can know Christ because he is like us in so many ways. Being fully human, we can understand his words, his actions, and his feelings, which this allows us to connect, to relate to Christ the man. But as He is also God, somewhere in this sacred relationship our eyes are opened to something very different about this God-man. He is like us yes, but also not like us, being one substance with the Father. And being without sin, we see a purity in Him and in his words and actions. We see something we do know: “What may be known of God is manifest in them, for God has shown it to them.” (Rom. 1: 19) We also see something we desire, admire, and yet it feels a bit distant, a little out of reach in our daily lives. We come back to Him because he is beautiful, perfect, strong and righteous in equal measure. Yes, now we are beginning to see and know God through Him. He shows us how our world, our thoughts and our actions are upside down. Our priorities are reversed. He says, ‘stop trying to be an island, for you were never meant to be so’. He says: ‘come to me, drink my blood, eat my body, become like me; become one body with me’. What a gift the invitation to his table is, so inviting and yet...It takes an act of faith.


What will happen when I let down the wall that protects me, when I become vulnerable to the unknown? This is the way it's always been, and I have survived thus far. If I don't do it myself, how will it be done right? When God asks Abraham to give up his son, so dear to him, what is really going on here? Do we have a cruel God demanding human blood for satisfaction? Of course not, the Bible tells us God is love. He sent his Son out of love for us. He wants us to be first and foremost in relationship with him. “Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal” (Matt. 6: 19). In other words, we are to shift our focus off of our island and onto Him. We are asked to be there vulnerable and ready to receive what this relationship will bring. We must take off our masks of the person that we want to show the world and be there without pretense or excuse just as we are. And that is no easy task. As we do this though the irony is we become more of who we truly are, who we are meant to be. We can now love our neighbor as ourselves, because we are no longer focused on showing our neighbor how smart, great, fit, intelligent (the list goes on) we are. We are helping the other not to build up our own inflated ego, or damaged self-esteem, but rather simply because it is the right thing to do. End of story, no earning some higher stature -- just because. Through right relationship with the Father, we become in right relationship to the World. But yes, it takes an act of faith.