Relationships Are Complicated

As I prepared to write this blog post, ideas swirled around in my mind. I knew the general direction and ideas I wanted to talk about, yet kept finding myself a bit confused, dreamy, uncertain. Usually the ideas swirl. I talk and think them through in my mind, and after a bit of time they coalesce into a linear fashion, and I am ready to sit and write. But this was different. Every time I felt close, something else would drift in, shift and again feel a bit unsteady, just not quite clear or linear. Then I had an epiphany. The crux of this blog post is about relationships, and as the saying goes, ‘relationships are complicated’.

In relationships there is inevitably the other, and the other always remains a bit unknown. There it is: the unknown, and the unknown can be scary, and unclear. Venturing willingly into the unknown requires an act of faith. I admit it, I tend to want to be an island. I am not sure exactly where it comes from, but I see me as usual in my P. He views help as an insult telling him he is not quite good enough, strong enough, able enough. He clenches his little jaw, grumbles an irritated groan and presses on, rejecting love coming his way. We can have a rational conversation about it, and he understands in his mind that the one who wants to help is trying to do good, not harm. But his little, persistent self wants the satisfaction of doing it himself, the satisfaction of a merit accomplished only through himself. Of course upon close examination that is really an illusion, as every circumstance has a myriad of factors that lead up to it and through it, and inevitably the other is somehow on some level part of the whole. But that is beside the point for now.

We all have relationships both to people and things and are in constant relationship to the world around us. We breathe the air, drink the water, and eat from the fruits of Mother Earth. Some relationships seem so simple and easy. They naturally flow gracefully, no need to explain or elucidate. Sometimes just a glance and all is understood. Then there are the others that seem so difficult. You don't even really understand why. It seems even the simplest of suggestions or acts gets confused, muddled. You press through the sludge, explanation after explanation, often ending up farther apart and more confused than where you started. It is a mystery.

God calls us to be in relationship with Himself through his Son. God Himself is in a perpetual relationship, the Trinity. We have God the Father. For me this is the aspect that is so grand, so great it is almost incomprehensible. We glimpse a sense through the great works of art he has created in his creation. We admire the glorious handiwork of a sunset on the ocean, the sheer greatness of the mountains, or a starlit summer sky, and his wonder and majesty are truly revealed. But fostering a relationship here seems a little abstract. The Holy Spirit is for me a mysterious God essence, kind of like the raw material of God, before the word and manifestation, like an essential oil that kindles and awakens our senses subtlety to a truth about to be revealed. Then you have the Son. The Son who is of one being with the Father, who the Father sent out of love so that we CAN know him.

God is love, and an island is not love; an island is fear. Sure we may sense a lighter step when we are on our own only worrying about our own selves, but at some point this system inevitably breaks down and we see the illusion for what it is. We cannot bear the weights of the world on our own shoulders, try as we might. We can know Christ because he is like us in so many ways. Being fully human, we can understand his words, his actions, and his feelings, which this allows us to connect, to relate to Christ the man. But as He is also God, somewhere in this sacred relationship our eyes are opened to something very different about this God-man. He is like us yes, but also not like us, being one substance with the Father. And being without sin, we see a purity in Him and in his words and actions. We see something we do know: “What may be known of God is manifest in them, for God has shown it to them.” (Rom. 1: 19) We also see something we desire, admire, and yet it feels a bit distant, a little out of reach in our daily lives. We come back to Him because he is beautiful, perfect, strong and righteous in equal measure. Yes, now we are beginning to see and know God through Him. He shows us how our world, our thoughts and our actions are upside down. Our priorities are reversed. He says, ‘stop trying to be an island, for you were never meant to be so’. He says: ‘come to me, drink my blood, eat my body, become like me; become one body with me’. What a gift the invitation to his table is, so inviting and yet...It takes an act of faith.

What will happen when I let down the wall that protects me, when I become vulnerable to the unknown? This is the way it's always been, and I have survived thus far. If I don't do it myself, how will it be done right? When God asks Abraham to give up his son, so dear to him, what is really going on here? Do we have a cruel God demanding human blood for satisfaction? Of course not, the Bible tells us God is love. He sent his Son out of love for us. He wants us to be first and foremost in relationship with him. “Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal” (Matt. 6: 19). In other words, we are to shift our focus off of our island and onto Him. We are asked to be there vulnerable and ready to receive what this relationship will bring. We must take off our masks of the person that we want to show the world and be there without pretense or excuse just as we are. And that is no easy task. As we do this though the irony is we become more of who we truly are, who we are meant to be. We can now love our neighbor as ourselves, because we are no longer focused on showing our neighbor how smart, great, fit, intelligent (the list goes on) we are. We are helping the other not to build up our own inflated ego, or damaged self-esteem, but rather simply because it is the right thing to do. End of story, no earning some higher stature -- just because. Through right relationship with the Father, we become in right relationship to the World. But yes, it takes an act of faith.