Peace, Politics, and the Middle Way

Watching all the politics going on for the upcoming election I am constantly brought to this idea that Right and Left really could be called right and left brain. The left brain is good for logic, numbers, rational thinking. The right brain is understood to be more emotional, artistic, altruistic. I am surprised that more people do not see this parallel and say, "Hey, wait a minute, something fishy is going on here". Why in politics do we become so blind and unilateral? Should we not in politics and in life aim to use our whole brain? Possibly, even add to that, in a balanced way? Yoga talks about the middle way, in essence, balance. You know, the old Eastern Yin and Yang.

When we see a woman we can admire softness, curves, gentleness and nurturing qualities, but how much more we admire when we can add strength of mind and body too? Nobody aspires to be a withering violet. When we look at a man, we want him to be strong, a leader and a thinker, but no one wants a brute. We would hope that he would also be sensitive, compassionate and understanding. Yet we divide our political parties into right and left. We pit ourselves against each other, dig in our heals, and insist that my right is better than your right. It seems so strange and glaring to me. I can't understand why everyone does not shout out, "Wait, we are better than this, we are smarter than this!" Why not have one political party of hopeful participants, filled with candidates that approach issues in a balanced way, and the one who is most balanced and able wins? Why do we inherently create divisiveness in a way that makes Peace and Unity near impossible?

I have a friend on Facebook. She is a vegan and a yogi. She often posts quotes about love and peace, generally spiritual in nature. Once in a while though she posts about her contempt for that with which she disagrees, and recently it has been "he is a disgusting individual." I want to shake her shoulders and say, don't you see you have fallen into the trap? The enemy has won. You have become that at which you point your finger and call disgusting. Christ says: "You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye.” He, too, is made in God’s image, a fallen human being. Christ says to those who persecute Him "Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do." I want to say, “Don't you know?” What good is it to honor nonviolence (Ahimsa, a yogic principle of non-harming) to the animal kingdom if we continue to attack our fellow human beings?

Christ also says we are to forgive “until seventy times seven". Where is our mercy and how large can we make it? We are supposed to be a democracy, yet there are certain rules where even if a majority chooses a winner, that person may well not be the winner. I have to say I don't understand all the rules, and it does not appear in my own admitted ignorance to be democratic at all. I would like to see a political revolution, where we the people say no more. No more pitting against each other. We know better. We know the truth is broader than me-versus-you – the truth includes us both.

The country is more and more divided, both in politics and religion. Studies tell us that

evangelicals are growing. But guess what? So are agnostics, atheists and a purely secular society. The middle road is becoming a hollow abyss with a towering mountain on either side. We continue to prop ourselves up on either side with our rightness, ready to die rather than be wrong. What if we all died to our rightness and were born into a broader view where a balanced brain could move towards something beautiful...

Studies on music show how beneficial it is for the very reason that it exercises the left and right brain. Music and its very structure and rhythm are purely mathematical. Harmony is math, and yet music has the ability to touch our souls at their deepest levels. It can emote the full spectrum of our emotions in such a full and satisfying way. Certainly if music can teach us how right and left brain working together create the most effective result we can bring this concept into our material world in government and society. Let us make those mountains low and fill in the empty abyss with hope, a beautiful plain where all can stand firm and supported by a steady strong ground. What a beautiful landscape that would make.

Purash Charana

So a couple of weeks ago I started a Purash Charana. “What is that?”, you ask. Well, my "spiritual guide", who is president of the Himalayan institute, said it means literally your first step on a spiritual journey. I have to admit my heart sunk just a little when he said that. I mean, after all, I thought I was on a spiritual journey my whole life, and a very focused journey at least the last 10 or so years where I have a regular prayer and meditation practice. On the other hand, a few weeks into this, it makes sense, and it is what it is and where I am now. Basically a year and a half ago, after completing my yoga teacher training, I went to the Himalayan Institute to spend a weekend doing a heart opening seminar, but also to meet Rolf (who I was told is a master) and to be initiated into the Himalayan Tradition by being imparted a personal mantra. A personal mantra is a Sanskrit prayer that you repeat daily with your prayer beads any number of times. One string is 108 beads. The actual, literal meaning of the mantra is less important than the sound as the sound vibration itself is considered sacred and will lead you inward to silence and communion with God, the Divine. 

When I had this initial meeting and mantra initiation with Rolf, he told me to check back in a year's time, which I did last fall. He was very happily surprised. He said that he says that to everyone he initiates, but rarely does anyone actually follow through. At our meeting we discussed my daily practice, which he seemed satisfied with, and it was then that he suggested the idea of Purash Charana perhaps in February. So like the obedient, diligent student I am, I checked back with him in February and he suggested we do my mantra so many times a day for 80 days then plus 8 just as a gift (not as my "homework"). We would check back in then, and he said I would likely experience a lot of joy. Perfect. I hung up the phone confident (after all it was really not any different than what I was already doing). Piece of cake.

Then something really strange started happening. First, it was in regard to our phone conversation. There is this thing I have noticed when you are in the presence of a spiritual master. Everything seems so simple and clear, then you step away and realize there is all this profound meaning in these simple exchanges. These unexpected layers of subtlety and intricacy show up, and soon your mind is turning around all these complex possibilities. Perhaps old insecurities resurface. Suddenly you are faced with yourself, sometimes in ways you thought were long ago let go of and mastered. You are reminded of those little seeds of insecurity, or pride that linger deep below. Welcome to the forest....

Here I was strolling along so nicely in my daily spiritual practice, and now that I am told what to do and for how long, suddenly these little resistances are showing up. Freewill is such an interesting little animal. We all want it, want to be in charge, set our own course so to speak, even when it may be to our own detriment. As soon as someone, or perhaps God says this is what you should do, this is what is really the best for your soul and spirit, there is that little ego, pride, stubbornness that rears its head and says ‘yes, sure, but I really want to do it my way’. The can of worms is opened. It is like the old adage, ‘if you think you are enlightened go and spend a week with your family.’

We create new habits and identities in our lives, mirroring the person we want to be and become, and to some extent we do become that person. I do believe it is possible to transform on deep levels, but often as we are transforming there remains a mustard seed that is still there -- small, but not rooted out. And given the right set of circumstances, it shows its persistent life-force, pushing its way through the dark soil of subconscious into the daylight to be wrestled with once again.

I did not give up. I am still going strong in my Purash Charana, and I will make it I am convinced. But I was surprised how much it brought forth, just that little difference in doing someone else's will, and not just mine. I think the joy will come, but with the upturned soil came first melancholy, questioning, and reexamining things I thought had been fully examined. I am convinced it is ‘all good’, as is popular to say, but also truly good. If we are being challenged, then likely we are growing, and with growth and change we can expect a bit of uncomfortableness. I am grateful that God gives us free will because without that we could not choose Him, and in His perfection he gives us all the time in the world. What a supreme example of loving patience.

Human beings are such strange and beautiful creatures made in His image. Pierson made a funny observation the other day in regards to his little brother. He said, "He is a danger to himself”. So true, and in some ways aren't we all.

"One of those days!"

So a couple of weeks ago I had...one of those days. One of those days where everything is just a little off. School was delayed for two hours; however, Calvin did not get the email until after having dragged a particularly tired six-year-old out of bed, gotten him ready and taken him to the bus stop. After they came back Calvin informed me of the situation as he left for work. Pierson was wrapped up in his coat with his backpack strapped on. He is now fully awake and very bored. Me: "Why don't you take off your back pack honey?" Pierson: "No I want to keep it." Me: "But the bus will not come for two hours!" Pierson: "I don't care". OK, I let it go. Pierson: "Can I see if Harper can play?" " Me: “I guess so." Pierson came right back. Harper's parents got the email and she is still sleeping. For two hours Pierson wandered and fidgeted in and out of the house, with his back pack firmly strapped on. It is now time to take him to the bus stop. This is just the time when the baby is napping and not happy to get into a stroller, when he was so comfortable on his mamma cushions. At the bus stop P immediately begins climbing the snow piles. I don't really mind, but his little friend’s mom does and says, "Hudson get down, you are going to get hurt." Sure enough right at that moment P loses his balance, knocks Hudson, and they both go tumbling down. Thankfully no one is hurt, but I explain to P in French to no longer get up there. He taunts me, inching up, one foot, all the antics, until the bus finally comes. It is 10 AM and I am exhausted and feeling stressed. I will go to the gym and take a nice Yoga class. 

It all starts off well enough. The teacher is very physically accomplished in her demonstrations. It is a very small class and she is giving lots of detailed instructions. I don't really mind, although it does seem to be a little micromanaging for my taste in Yoga. After all, Yoga is one's own practice, always called to listen to and honor your own body. Even though it feels a little bothersome, I understand she is only trying to help. Some comments feel a little pointed, almost irritated, but I figure it is just me. Then about three quarters of the way through the class something really awkward happens. She is doing an exercise and cueing to open from the hip. She is staring at me and talking directly to me. I look down and I feel that indeed I am opening from the hip. She repeats the same cue, repositioning her leg, and is staring right at me and talking directly to me. No doubts now, even others are looking at me. I look down again – I am opening from the hip. “This is so strange”, I think to myself. A little bit annoyed now, in an exaggerated way I reposition my leg (she did let out a sigh, ugh), I and look at her like, “OK?” She then (still looking right at me) says in a very catty way: "Do you just not want to do the exercise?" I am sincerely baffled and aghast. I feel personally attacked; it is so odd. Then she says the foot has to stay down. Oh, OK. Now I get it: she wants my foot down. That is the part I was not doing (nothing to do with my hip, which was the cue she gave three times in a row, followed by the menacing statement). Nothing was said, and the class went on. I was feeling really strange and vulnerable. I tried to finish the class with no eye contact, but I was seriously having a hard time letting go of this scenario and feeling verbally attacked.

At the end of class, I asked if I could speak to her. Two women beside me immediately jumped into the conversation to my defense: "Oh yes, I think you were actually opening from the hip. You are just so flexible." They obviously were hearing the open-your-hip cue as well. I wanted to talk to this teacher not so much to prove I am right (I was opening from the hip) as to let her know she wasn’t cueing the visual she actually wanted to see (the foot flat). Mainly, I wanted to clear the air, explain the miscommunication, and say: “Hey, being pointed out and talked to that way did not feel so great.” The two women who jumped to my defense were sweet, and confirmed what I was already feeling (this was not merely in my imagination), but I was less concerned about that than really having a genuine exchange with this teacher. However, when I did try to talk with her, it was near impossible. She was so defensive and quixotic that I could barely get a sentence out. When I first asked if we could talk, she said ‘sure’. Then as soon as I began to recount my version, she interrupted and cut me off. I literally put my hand up and said: “Can I finish?” Each subsequent attempt to explain the situation was cut off and interrupted also. I started to say: “If I am not doing something, it is not because I do not want to.” She continues: "I have been teaching twenty-five years! You have a beautiful practice. I really meant: ‘Are you not able, do you not want to, maybe because of an injury?’ Oh, sorry if you took it that way....”, etc. etc. She was defending her ego, trying to stroke mine, justifying in my opinion (a bit disingenuously) her choice of words, and finally apologizing, not for anything she did or said, but rather how I (and apparently several other people in the class) took what she said. In the end, she was incapable of just being and listening. She was incapable of acknowledging any responsibility on her part. I let it go. I said before I left: "I just wanted to clear the air".

I felt a little more light-hearted in the moment, but about an hour later it really began to gnaw at me. Especially when I thought: “Wait a minute, even her apology was not really an apology but rather a, ‘Sorry that you misunderstood.’” I cannot know her heart, but it sure did not sound or feel that way in my gut, and as a therapist once told me: “The body does not lie.” The day went on with several other strange mishaps, culminating in my trip to church that night. We were asked to park not in the lot, but on the street behind the lot to allow space for parishioners attending the event (a guest speaker, an author was giving a presentation). “No problem”, I thought, “I know exactly where that is.” However, there was also another event downtown that night and traffic everywhere. Unfortunately, I didn’t realize that street was one-way. I ended up sitting in traffic and fighting with other one-way streets until finally, 30 minutes later, I gave up. I got back to the church lot where there were ample parking spots. I took one and arrived 30 minutes late to rehearsal. So that was the end of my day.

OK, so in the midst of a world where there is war, people are sick, some are starving, this is all quite trivial. But this was my life this day. I could not help coming back to what it was in this situation with the Yoga teacher that was bugging me. I realized for my part that I needed to be merciful. Yeah, it did not feel great, but I can imagine there is some deep suffering there to feel threatened by something so insignificant and to react that way. Viewing the way our conversation went – me, a stranger in a Yoga class – I can only imagine how difficult her more intimate relations must be.

There was something else though that felt unresolved.... and this brings me to justice.  What is justice and why do we desire it? If I am honest, what I really desired from that after-class conversation was twofold. The first was to be understood. “I was actually in fact doing what you were asking me to do, so when you verbally ‘attacked’ me it felt unfair”. I wanted her to understand that and then acknowledge her role in it, neither of which actually happened. But looking at it this way, I wanted the injustice of being treated unfairly to be rectified, and that was what would not let go and was nagging in my mind.

We all have a desire for justice, whether personal or political. When we see injustice in the world we cry out for the poor, the abused, marginalized etc. But why then do so many people abhor the idea of a just God? Why do we dislike the notion that a God of love is inevitably a God of justice? I think perhaps for most people the idea that God is just and gives out deserved repercussions to one’s actions seems harsh. I disagree, and here is why. A just God actually creates the space for human beings to be what He calls us to be: peaceful, merciful, and forgiving. We do not have to retaliate because that is not our job. Ultimately that is His job, and when one truly accepts this, then one can become more peaceful, merciful and forgiving. Not saying it is effortless, but the space for possibility seems much larger. If someone comes and murders my family, my whole being will cry "Revenge! Retaliation!" Only by trusting in a just God could I eventually step back, act in Peace, and know fully that this terrible wrong will be made right and perfectly so. This may not stop evil from being enacted in the world, but theoretically for those who believe it, it can stop the destructive circular effects of revenge and retaliation. Without a just God, it seems I would be left to my own devices, maybe enacting justice of my own accord (I might add that when this is the case people generally want more than perfect justice: there is usually the desire for a one-upping kind of justice). The other option: do nothing and remain perpetually dissatisfied.

In his book The Reason for God, Tim Keller talks about an argument for God which involves the idea that most natural desires have a true and real satisfaction that can be met. We thirst and hunger: food and drink are available. We have a natural desire for justice, and yet we know that it is wrong to do harm to another. Does that mean there is no fulfillment for our desire for justice? I think not, and if I can trust and forgive, in small and in large, what a beautiful space is created – a space of freedom, basking in the light and warmth of truth. Nothing to prove, nothing to do, just be and know that all is truly well. My own small feelings of injustice can be absorbed into a plan that perhaps I cannot always understand, but I can still know that what is good and right ultimately prevails.