Purash Charana

So a couple of weeks ago I started a Purash Charana. “What is that?”, you ask. Well, my "spiritual guide", who is president of the Himalayan institute, said it means literally your first step on a spiritual journey. I have to admit my heart sunk just a little when he said that. I mean, after all, I thought I was on a spiritual journey my whole life, and a very focused journey at least the last 10 or so years where I have a regular prayer and meditation practice. On the other hand, a few weeks into this, it makes sense, and it is what it is and where I am now. Basically a year and a half ago, after completing my yoga teacher training, I went to the Himalayan Institute to spend a weekend doing a heart opening seminar, but also to meet Rolf (who I was told is a master) and to be initiated into the Himalayan Tradition by being imparted a personal mantra. A personal mantra is a Sanskrit prayer that you repeat daily with your prayer beads any number of times. One string is 108 beads. The actual, literal meaning of the mantra is less important than the sound as the sound vibration itself is considered sacred and will lead you inward to silence and communion with God, the Divine. 

When I had this initial meeting and mantra initiation with Rolf, he told me to check back in a year's time, which I did last fall. He was very happily surprised. He said that he says that to everyone he initiates, but rarely does anyone actually follow through. At our meeting we discussed my daily practice, which he seemed satisfied with, and it was then that he suggested the idea of Purash Charana perhaps in February. So like the obedient, diligent student I am, I checked back with him in February and he suggested we do my mantra so many times a day for 80 days then plus 8 just as a gift (not as my "homework"). We would check back in then, and he said I would likely experience a lot of joy. Perfect. I hung up the phone confident (after all it was really not any different than what I was already doing). Piece of cake.

Then something really strange started happening. First, it was in regard to our phone conversation. There is this thing I have noticed when you are in the presence of a spiritual master. Everything seems so simple and clear, then you step away and realize there is all this profound meaning in these simple exchanges. These unexpected layers of subtlety and intricacy show up, and soon your mind is turning around all these complex possibilities. Perhaps old insecurities resurface. Suddenly you are faced with yourself, sometimes in ways you thought were long ago let go of and mastered. You are reminded of those little seeds of insecurity, or pride that linger deep below. Welcome to the forest....

Here I was strolling along so nicely in my daily spiritual practice, and now that I am told what to do and for how long, suddenly these little resistances are showing up. Freewill is such an interesting little animal. We all want it, want to be in charge, set our own course so to speak, even when it may be to our own detriment. As soon as someone, or perhaps God says this is what you should do, this is what is really the best for your soul and spirit, there is that little ego, pride, stubbornness that rears its head and says ‘yes, sure, but I really want to do it my way’. The can of worms is opened. It is like the old adage, ‘if you think you are enlightened go and spend a week with your family.’

We create new habits and identities in our lives, mirroring the person we want to be and become, and to some extent we do become that person. I do believe it is possible to transform on deep levels, but often as we are transforming there remains a mustard seed that is still there -- small, but not rooted out. And given the right set of circumstances, it shows its persistent life-force, pushing its way through the dark soil of subconscious into the daylight to be wrestled with once again.

I did not give up. I am still going strong in my Purash Charana, and I will make it I am convinced. But I was surprised how much it brought forth, just that little difference in doing someone else's will, and not just mine. I think the joy will come, but with the upturned soil came first melancholy, questioning, and reexamining things I thought had been fully examined. I am convinced it is ‘all good’, as is popular to say, but also truly good. If we are being challenged, then likely we are growing, and with growth and change we can expect a bit of uncomfortableness. I am grateful that God gives us free will because without that we could not choose Him, and in His perfection he gives us all the time in the world. What a supreme example of loving patience.

Human beings are such strange and beautiful creatures made in His image. Pierson made a funny observation the other day in regards to his little brother. He said, "He is a danger to himself”. So true, and in some ways aren't we all.