The first encounter was with my brother and the question came up as to whether one is truly forgiven, deserving of grace, without merit so to speak. Do we have to earn our forgiveness by our good deeds, and only then do we become worthy or capable of receiving? The second conversation was just upon our return from Europe, the night-of actually. My mother was telling me a story about her new friend and how he felt so much better after returning from his weekly mass. When my mother pressed a little, he explained it was the forgiveness he felt that turned his world right again and made his spirit well. As my mother recounted this story she began to tear up a little bit, empathetically adding that perhaps this was so important to him because he was particularly hard on himself, and so maybe his need was especially great in this arena. She presented me with this goldmine of a conversation at 10 PM at night after being up since 4 AM Paris time and traveling two flights with a young child and infant. We had just finished eating and I was crashing big time. I could barely form my words, let alone get into this subject, but the wheels were turning....there was so much to say. Alas, exhausted I took it in and went to bed.
So here I am a few weeks later approaching these subjects....
Two particular things come to mind, the first one is the story of Christ on the Cross:
One of the criminals who were hanged railed at him, saying, "Are you not the Christ? Save yourself and us!" But the other rebuked him, saying, "Do you not fear God, since you are under the same sentence of condemnation? And we indeed justly; for we are receiving the due reward of our deeds; but this man has done nothing wrong." And he said, "Jesus, remember me when you come into your kingdom." And he said to him, "Truly, I say to you, today you will be with me in Paradise." (Luke 23: 39-43)
He is there next to a thief, probably someone who has led a life of crime and is now paying the price with his life. This thief recognizes that he actually rightly deserves punishment, and in this humble recognition opens the door to the free gift. Christ does not say to him, "well good sir, this is your due punishment", but rather: "Truly, I say to you, today you will be with me in Paradise." Holy cow, what? Completely forgiven just like that? Yes, completely. No act, no deed necessary, in that very moment full Love, full Forgiveness is both available and accessible. The thief recognized his wrongdoing and also his need for forgiveness. That was enough.
Of course there are places where Christ miraculously heals and then says: "you are healed go and sin no more." It is not because the Full Love and Forgiveness is available here and now that we go about doing things we know are contrary to Christ's teachings, but that is another post. For now, I’m sticking just to the forgiveness part. This for me squares away conversation one: there is nothing we can do, or that we need to accomplish in order to have Absolute forgiveness. It is a free gift. It is given by what He has already done, not something we have yet to do. This is the starting place. How wonderfully magnificently beautiful!! But why? And here I would enter into conversation two. We ALL want to be forgiven, fully, and loved fully, unconditionally. Our souls cry out with this need, NOT because we are especially hard on ourselves, or because we had a bad upbringing, an absentee parent, abusive teacher...the list goes on (you get the point). We all have a secret guilt for our very nature, which being human naturally falls short of God's glory. This is not a criticism; rather, this is the way we are built, and deep inside we know there is a better way to be.
Anyone has only to have a child, or observe a group of toddlers to see that kindness, sharing, patience, and generosity, to name a few "good" traits, are not our natural instincts. We teach these "moralistic" behaviors to our children because we believe them to be good, to be better for society than being cruel, violent and thinking only of ourselves. However even if we are a very, very good girl or boy, we still recognize within ourselves something that could be just a little nicer, more patient, kinder, or more generous. We may work against our selfish tendencies; we may do better in some aspects than others. We may even justify our not-so-good behaviors by our good charitable deeds and find a bit of solace there. Maybe.
Perhaps we can take things a step further leaving our deeds behind and move on to our thoughts. Christ says "Even if you think it, you have committed the act in your heart" (e.g., Matt. 5: 21, 22). Ouch! How many of us can claim to never have had an uncharitable thought from time to time? I think the point is clear: we all fall short of a goodness we know and understand on some level to be the "right thing". We may not always admit it, or acknowledge it, but deep inside we know this to be the case. Herein lies the desire, need, longing, to be fully forgiven, and I would add fully loved despite these very shortcomings. This is the beauty for me of Christ's message. He says this thing you desire is available for you in Me here and now, no strings attached.
Humor me here and close your eyes imagining that you are fully loved and fully forgiven for everything in your entire life past and life future to come. You have nothing to prove, you have nothing to accomplish, it is just a present. Is there not a lightening of a sense of burden? Christ says: 'Come unto me all ye who are heavy laden and I shall give you rest" (Matt. 11: 28). This is the power of forgiveness, a lifting of a sense of burden. We may also know this in our own experiences of forgiving another. That other person may not even know we are upset. It is not that the other person necessarily deserves our forgiveness, but when we forgive freely, regardless, we are released from the prison of a grudge and the other negative repercussions when holding on to anger, pain, sorrow, or any number of emotions that being unforgiving can bring about. "Blessed are the merciful, for they shall receive mercy".
So those are my thoughts on forgiveness. When we acknowledge our very need, we open the lock to receive, and hence free ourselves from the burden we were never meant to carry.
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